


Only love can hurt like this

by Jammelz



Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Infidelity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-06
Packaged: 2018-04-30 06:06:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5153090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jammelz/pseuds/Jammelz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt finds out about Blaine cheating on him.<br/>This story does not follow what happens on glee...kind of AU. Was inspired by another story. Warning: This is not a fluffy fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only love can hurt like this

**Author's Note:**

> I was reading Paragraph Indent by Alianora and then I went to sleep and woke up with Paloma Faith singing Only love can hurt like this. While listening to it this story started forming. This is my first time EVER posting so please do leave comments and tell me what you think. Do take a listen to Paloma faith as well as Tracy Bonham's Wheter you fall. Beautiful song. While writing I felt like crying, so I hope this has the same effect. Just a warning again: this is Not a happy fic. This fic does not have a happy ending. No I do not hate Blaine, I love Blainey days, this was just what came to mind when I wanted to write.

“Danny and the others never meant anything, you have you have to believe that.” Blaine grabs onto Kurt’s hand to keep him from leaving. Leaving the room, leaving the apartment…his life. Kurt’s stance goes rigid and tense…more tense. It is only when Blaine looks over Kurt’s face again and into his eyes that he realizes what he just said.  
“…the others?” The question comes out soft; fragile. Blaine can only look at Kurt, his mouth half open and speechless. “I…I didn’t…” He tries to form a sentence, but Kurt can see he is flailing for words and he rips his hand out of Blaine’s tight grasp.  
“There were others?” he asks a little louder. “There were others?!... I can’t believe you!” Kurt finally yells, half hysterical, as he slaps Blaine’s hand away that comes forward to grab onto him again. Blaine then puts his hand on the bathroom door frame to keep Kurt from leaving after he sees Kurt grab his toiletry bag. “Listen to me Kurt”, he starts again. “I…I…yes there were others” he hears Kurt take in a shuddering breath. “Yes there were others, but they did not mean anything I swear. If anything, please believe that. I can’t lose you please.” He rakes his fingers through his hair and looks up at Kurt. Kurt who is standing in front of him, his eyes red rimmed and wet with the silent tears continuously falling over his cheeks. He is clutching his toiletry bag to his stomach and his other hand is held in front of his mouth, like he wants to keep the sounds from spilling out.  
“I need to get out of here.” He says it so soft that Blaine almost doesn’t hear him. Before Blaine can get a hold on Kurt’s arm again, Kurt moves swiftly pass him and into their bedroom. In the room Kurt starts throwing clothes into his suitcase that he had opened before he went to the bathroom; boxers, socks, shirts, jeans and a suit jacket that was draped over a chair. He can hardly see what he is doing; crying in earnest now but still refusing to let a sound out. Blaine is standing near the bed, his hair wild from running his fingers through it the whole time. He felt helpless, he doesn’t know what to do or say to make things better. He should have known. He should have known his infidelities would come out. He promised himself he would stop; each time it happened, he promised. Right now he cannot fathom how he could break that promise every single time. How he could forget. Forget his love…forget Kurt.  
He tries and fails to find words to make Kurt stop packing. When he sees that the suitcase is half full, his head starts to get dizzy with how hard he is trying to come up with something-anything.  
“Kurt…please. Please don’t leave. We can work it out. I can fix…u-u-us”, his breathe hitches and only then does he realise that he has been crying the whole time. Blaine moves forward and touches Kurt’s elbow to get his attention and to get him to stop, but Kurt sharply pulls his arm back. “Don’t touch me” he all but hisses at Blaine. He stands facing away from Blaine and takes a deep breath to centre himself. He grabs the suitcase, now full, and prepares to leave. As he starts to move Blaine’s heart seizing up with panic and he steps in front of Kurt to stop him.  
“Kurt, please, just… don’t leave me. We can talk about this.” He holds out his hands in front of Kurt. Kurt stops in his tracks and wipes his wet cheeks, taking in a deep breath. “I can’t stay here… I can’t…” his breath hitches, “I can’t do this. I can’t even look at you. I need to go.” He side steps Blaine, but Blaine steps in front of him again. Kurt let’s his head fall forward, chin on his chest, while his free hand rakes through his hair. He hears Blaine talking, pleading with him but he can’t make himself look up. Can’t bring himself to listen to the words.  
He honestly thought that he would never experience this kind of heartbreak. Yeah, he has experienced heartbreak before: unrequited love…loved ones passing away. But heartbreak in the form of cheating (“over and over again” his mind supplies) at the hand of Blaine? Never. He was so sure of them. Years and years of built trust and love and good communication. Years. Blaine is like an extra limb to him by now. This honestly fucking physically hurts, he thinks.  
“Kurt, talk to me please. We can sort this out, I know we…”  
“No Blaine. There is honestly nothing we can do now. Please just… just get out of my way so that I can go.”  
“No.” Blaine says it with such finality that Kurt finally looks up and at Blaine. He is standing in front of Kurt, obviously ready to physically keep Kurt from leaving.  
“I swear to God Blaine.” Kurt felt so emotionally drained. He could honestly just lie down on the floor right now if it means they could stop talking. He is tired of this back and forth; tired of thinking about what Blaine did, what he ruined. “Let me just…” Blaine starts again.  
“For fucks sake Blaine! Get out of my way, let me go!” He pushes against Blaine’s chest and Blaine stumbles backwards. He grabs onto Kurt’s hands and his suitcase falls to the floor.  
“Let me go! Let me go!” Kurt yells hysterically as he starts to cry again and struggles to get his hands loose. “No Kurt…no. I told you all those years ago I’m never letting you go” he pulls Kurt towards him and against his chest with their hands clasped between them.  
Kurt was so busy crying and finally letting the sounds out that it took him a while to register the words that Blaine has spoken. He lifts his head up from where he unconsciously let it rest on Blaine’s chest while Blaine kissed his temple. “Don’t you dare say that.” He says through his tears, “Don’t you dare. You broke that promise. You broke it the second you decided that what we had is not enough. No…no just let me go.” Kurt weakly hits against Blaine’s chest and struggles again to get free.  
“I’m sorry…I’m sorry.” Blaine says softly over and over while Kurt keeps hitting his chest.  
“I hate you! I swear I hate you Blaine.”  
“I’m sorry baby-”  
“Don’t call me that! I hate you so much. Let me go.” Blaine presses his forehead against Kurt’s while Kurt’s whole body rocks with sobs from crying so much. At this point he stops hitting Blaine and instead he grabs onto Blaine’s t-shirt as he cries while Blaine still has a hold on his hands.  
“Please baby…I’m sorry. Please stay.” Blaine whispers as he leans forward with his tear streaked face and presses his lips against Kurt’s. He lets one of Kurt’s hands go in favour of cupping his jaw and pressing closer. He kisses all over Kurt’s face; his cheeks, his eyes; his nose. He kisses where Kurt’s tears are on his cheeks and then finally his lips against. All while murmuring “I love you” and “I’m sorry.”  
Kurt doesn’t kiss him back at first but after a while he gives in with a whimper. Then it is only desperate, wet, hard kisses between them. For a second it felt like nothing was wrong between them. Until an involuntary sob rocks Kurt’s body and brings him back to reality.  
“No!” Kurt pushes Blaine back and moves to go past him. He needs to leave, with or without his bag. Blaine moves to pull Kurt back to him “Kurt please!...” “Blaine leave me!”  
They struggle for a bit, until Kurt stumbles backwards and falls on the bed on is back. Blaine straddles his legs and keeps his hands on his side.  
“I’m sorry baby, fuck…Just…listen. Just stay, I beg you,” Blaine pleads while Kurt sobs openly, not able to hide his face. He has never seen Kurt so wrecked; it feels like a knife in his heart knowing that he did that.  
“Blaine…I can’t stay. I can’t…how could you do this to me,” Kurt cries uncontrollably, looking up at Blaine, while Blaine himself cries earnestly.  
“I don’t know what I was thinking, I swear baby. I would do anything for you to give me a chance. Just don’t go please,” Blaine cries.  
“There’s…there’s nothing that you can do. I can’t, c-can’t be with you.” Blaine lets go of his hands and Kurt covers his face with his hands, sobbing. “I can’t believe this,” he says, almost to himself.  
Blaine wipes his wet face, determent, “I’ll do anything. I’ll…I’ll find a new job, I’ll go to therapy…I’ll never leave the-”  
“How many?” Kurt cuts him off. He looks up at Blaine with a solemn expression and Blaine instantly knows what he is asking for.  
He debates whether he should tell the truth or not. The truth is…he never kept track. It usually always just happened; he never planned any of the times he cheated. He never planned to cheat on Kurt in the first place.  
Blaine takes a deep breath and decides that if he wants Kurt back he best be honest. “I…I don’t know.” He forces himself to keep eye contact with Kurt.  
“You don’t know…you don’t…” Kurt lets out a humourless bark of a laugh, “Oh my God.”  
“Kurt…-” “Was it more than five people,” Kurt asks.  
“More than five, less than ten,” Blaine answers honestly.  
“Oh my God,” Kurt says again and puts his hands on his face again, taking a deep breath. He lays like that, in silence, for a long while. He tries to think of instances that he may have missed; instances where Blaine might have acted strange. But he can’t think of any. They have gone through so many things in their time together, they have both struggled at times, and he guess that could have been times where Blaine acted weird, but…there is nothing that stood out. Maybe one of the times was when I had to fly home when Dad had to go for another check-up at the hospital, Blaine had to stay behind to catch up on work, he thinks. But Blaine wouldn’t do that when he knows how Kurt feels every time his dad goes for a check-up…right?  
He played me, he finally thinks, he’s a pro. He lets out another humourless laugh, but starts crying again half way though.  
Blaine starts to panic again, “Kurt…they never meant anything. You’re the love of my life, you know that-”  
“Do I?” Kurt asks, cutting him off mid-sentence. “I’m the love of your life and yet you fuck God knows how many other people and you say you love??”  
“I Do-”  
“Was it me? Was I not enough?” Kurt looks straight up at Blaine again, his eyes wet with tears that don’t seem to stop. He looks at Blaine; how his face looks puffy and his hair wild from pulling at it the whole time, like he was doing at that very moment.  
“You’re everything Kurt… I was stupid. I didn’t think. I swear I’ll never-”  
They hear a car horn hoot persistently outside of their apartment, followed by Santana yelling, “Come on Porcelain! I don’t have all day.” Even though she just stopped at their place.  
Blaine looks down at Kurt as Kurt makes a move to stand up; pushing against him to make him get off his legs.  
Kurt wipes his cheeks frantically as he tries to sit up again. “Blaine…please just move,” he asks tiredly.  
“If I move you’re going to leave. I can’t let you go Kurt. Please. Plea-” he is cut off by Kurt throwing him off his legs on onto the bed. Kurt moves off the bed and quickly grabs his bag and walks out of the bedroom into the rest of the apartment. He hears Blaine running after him as he makes it to the front door.  
“I swear to God if you two are fucking…-” They can hear Santana hammer on the door with her palm as she is cut off by Kurt wrenching the door open.  
“Fina..-”  
“Kurt! Don’t…Please,” Blaine grabs onto Kurt’s arm to stop him from leaving, all the while crying and repeating “Please don’t go.”  
He pulls Kurt back and turns him around so that he is facing Blaine, holding onto his arms as Kurt struggles to get loose.  
“Blaine just let me go. I’m done. We’re…” he starts crying again as what he is saying sinks in. “We’re done.”  
“What. The. Fuck…” comes Santana’s stunned question. They both hear her but do not pay attention.  
“You can’t mean that, please.” Kurt finally gets loose and just looks at Blaine. His tears are still falling, but he is just looking at Blaine. Blaine looks like a wreck. The t-shirt he is wearing is wrinkled and has wet spots on it from his tears, and probably Kurt’s too. His hair is a mess and his face is tear stained and red. He is still crying, breathing hard and raking his fingers through his hair every now and then; waiting for Kurt to say something.  
Blaine knows he deserves this. This, and probably worse. He doesn’t know what else to do, other than beg. Kurt is looking at him like he is trying to imprint this moment in his mind, trying to imprint the image of his face for the last time.  
He is losing his breath, his life. He can’t imagine anything feeling worse than this moment right here. Out of everything that happened in this night, this moment is the worse. Blaine knows this moment right here is the last. He doesn’t want to believe it, his whole body is fighting against it, but he knows.  
“Kurt?” Santana calls out his name softly, breaking the silent spell between the two men, “is everything-?”  
“It’s not, but…we should go,” he answers just as soft as he turns his back to Blaine.  
“Kurt…” Blaine whimpers weakly.  
Kurt just keeps walking, past Santana who is still standing shocked. She finally comes out of her reverie when Blaine moves forward, going after Kurt.  
“Kurt!” Blaine calls as Kurt climbs in Santana’s car, followed by Santana climbing in by the driver’s seat. Kurt looks up at Blaine through the passenger side’s window. Blaine walks nearer to the car but stops half way. He guesses Blaine saw something in his expression that made him stop.  
Blaine stands with his hands clutching his hair as gut wrenching sobs rocks through his body. He cries on the stoop of their apartment and watches as Kurt drives away.  
He lost him.  
In the car Kurt starts crying instantly while Santana looks at him worriedly. She doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know what to make of what she just witnessed. She has seen them fight and break up before, but nothing as severe as this. They always talked things out, that’s what made Santana so envious of them. “Kurt,” she starts softly, “What just…fuck, what did I just walk into?”  
Kurt doesn’t reply, he just keeps crying into his hands. His stomach is in the tightest knot, he can hardly take a breath in between the sobs rocking his body.  
He doesn’t reply to Santana because he can’t. How does he put into words that he has been loving someone for 8 years but he doesn’t know how many of those 8 years is a lie. Someone who just ripped out his heart and spat on it, on everything that they have built together. How does he put into words Blaine’s betrayal? Hell, how is he even still alive with this heartache that feels like physical pain. Kurt is by no means weak or fragile. People tend to think that he is and may treat him like a baby bird, but Kurt loves to prove them wrong. But right now he feels weaker than he has ever felt. And the person who he always goes to for comfort is the one responsible for his pain.  
“Shit man…You know I don’t know how to react when people cry…fuck.” Santana doesn’t know what to make of this situation. She needs to get him to the loft.  
“Just…just g-g-get me back to your place. I can’t talk…I...” he continues crying as he tries to form words, but he can’t.  
“Shh, it’s okay, just breathe. We’re almost there.”  
Kurt just nods his head in reply and tries to breathe through the constant tears and gasping of breath.  
Falling in love with Blaine was so easy. Loving him wasn’t. They fought and they had insecurities, but Kurt was sure of him, it was worth it. Love isn’t easy; he knows that, he’s not that naïve, not anymore. But was it supposed to hurt like this? Because he loves Blaine, with every fibre of his being. He loves him… But was love supposed to hurt this bad?


End file.
